Review 86: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
It's the year 1957 at the height of the Cold War, and famous archaeologist Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford), returning from his latest adventure, finds out his job at Marshall College is in jeopardy. He meets Mutt Williams (Shia La Beouf), a young man who wants Indy to help him find the legendary Crystal Skull of Akator, and the pair set out for Peru. However, deadly Russian agent Irina Spalko (Cate Blanchett) is searching for the powerful artifact, too, because the Soviets believe it can help them conquer the world.
The problem with film is that the premise, even by Indiana Jones standards, is stupid, but the execution is even worse. The whole film is (in the words of Roger Ebert) an action adventure dead zone. You stare in horror and disbelief as scenes and movie reels flare up and die, one by one.
The entire experience is like watching a nightmare come to life - in the most horrific ways imaginable.
The entire plot & premise of this film just feels like it was written by people who were low on creative energy.
Of course, the original Indiana Jones films had fantastical elements as well, but they were always based on and rooted in historical mythology and religion. Whereas the quest revolving around the titular Crystal Skulls is rooted in the sci-fi B-movies of the 1950's (hence the setting of the film) which just doesn't fit with in the world of Indiana Jones and just stretches credibility.
Returning Director Steven Spielberg's direction is disinterested, The special effects are not. I'm going to repeat that: NOT special, the stunts are cartoonishly over-the-top but lack anything resembling soul or passion. The action scenes are dull and devoid of any tension or suspense whatsoever, the score is excrushiating, ear-splitting gunk and is not up to John Williams' usual standards. The costumes are the cinematography is ghastly, everything is extremely bright, exagerated and garish and little more than Spielberg’s regular cinematographer Janusz Kaminski copying the style of Douglas Slocombe.
The acting is mostly terrible, Harrison Ford mostly sleepwalks through the film, his portrayal of an older, retired Indiana Jones is unremarkable . Even if we put that lack of strong characterisation aside, his return to this Iconic role is just for laughs really, at the age of 66, he's quite old and even though he admirably performs most of the stunts himself and reportedly spent three hours a day at a gym getting in shape for the part, he's bearly in shape at this point. This character ends up being too ridiculous for words.
Having Karen Allen return to the series as Marion Ravenwood was just a waste. The return of this once great heroin and sidekick was just a complete joke. Apart from looking absurdly overweight and (like Ford) looking too out-of-shape to return to this iconic part, she Her return comes off as pandering.
The usually fabulous, Cate Blanchett gives possibly her worst performance to date mostly due to putting on a dubiously horrid Russian accent that lacks glee and just generally being reduced to playing little else other than the stereotypical Russian villain.
Shia LaBeouf, Ray Winstone and the usually Great John Hurt are featured in the cast and are presented with the thankless tasks of playing the films token, sidekick, former companion turned-traitor and Mad Professor respectively. That's literally all there is to these characters. That's pretty much how it goes!
Normally I Love John Hurt but he was just wasted as this fellow Proffessor friend of Indy's who just "Lost It" after prolonged exposure to the Crystal Skull. His performance was just embracing to watch.
And Alan Dale & Jim Broadbent pop up in supporting roles - with Broadbent's character serving as little more than a stand-in for Marcus Brody - Just saying.
0/5.
The Anonymous Critic.
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