Review 120: Diamonds Are Forever
Loosely based on the fourth James Bond novel Diamonds Are Forever by Ian Fleming, When Bond (Sean Connery) investigates mysterious activities in the world diamond market, he discovers that the evil Ernst Stavro Blofeld (Charles Gray) is stockpiling the precious gems to use in a deadly laser satellite capable of destroying massive targets on land, sea and air. Bond, with the help of beautiful smuggler Tiffany Case (Jill St. John), sets out to stop the madman, but first he must grapple with a host of enemies. He confronts offbeat assassins Mr. Wint (Bruce Glover) and Mr. Kidd (Putter Smith), as well as Bambi (Lola Larson) and Thumper (Trina Parks)--two scantily-clad beauties who are more than a match for Bond in hand-to-hand combat! Finally, there's the reclusive billionaire Willard Whyte (Jimmy Dean) who no one see's.
The plot is just ridiculous. The plot is also very loosely based on the novel and when I say loosely, boy do I mean loosely. The screenplay (penned by Bond veteran Richard Maibaum and newcomer Tom Mankieqwicz) is heavy on bad jokes and light on the story.
The film begins unusually dark with Bond seeking out Blofeld to exact revenge for the death of his wife Tracy (carrying on from the previous film, 1969’s On Her Majesties Secret Service) and shades of the darkness are peppered throughout the 2 hour action pic and initially seems to be leaning more towards the slow-building espionage thrillers of Connery’s early years than the outlandish adventures the series latter became. However, after that promising start, the film quickly descends into ridiculous nonsense.
Bond investigating the connection between a diamond smuggling ring and a rich eccentric hiding out in his luxury hotel penthouse is definitely one of the less inspired Bond plots and feels somewhat hodgepodge and randomly thrown together.
You see, what Eon were trying to do with this movie is try to make a James Bond movie that they hoped would appeal more to Americans and you may ask "What's wrong with that?" Well, quite a lot actually the problem with that is that James Bond has been (and always shall be) a staple of British Cinema, so to suddenly try to Americanise him just takes away it's Britishness and Bond identity. All of this apparent course correction was an attempt to recapture the style of Goldfinger and most of the behind-the-scenes crew for Goldfinger were reassembled for Diamonds Are Forever: Guy Hamilton returns to direct, Ted Moore serves as the DP, John Barry composes the musical score and Shirley Bassey, who belted out “Goldfinger” returns to to lend her vocals to the title song. But it goes to far and overcorrects to the point where the characters are all caricatures, the writing is incoherent and Blofeld’s plan doesn’t make sense.
Blofeld's endgame to use diamond smuggling as a cover to create a Death Ray Satellite is just incoherent and nonsensical as the film is mostly reliant on unfunny gags and one-liners to the point of descending into self-parody.
Returning director Guy Hamilton is weak, both in terms of the action and comedy scenes with most of the action scenes let down by uninteresting camera work. The whole film feels low rent and cheap and doesn’t carry the epic scope we’ve come to expect from a Bond film. The locations are boring: the Las Vegas setting isn’t exotic, the production design is cheap (seeing 007 in circus casino looks low rent) and is not up to Production Designer, Ken Adams usual standards. The costume design is the cinematography is dismal and is not up to cinematographer Ted Moore's usual standards, the score by John Barry is very uneven and at times dull and uninspired ranging from lush, romantic melodies and generally boring action cues. The title song by Shirley Bassey is catchy though.
Even with a run time of 120 minutes, Diamonds Are Forever does drag in spots particularly in the parts in the Las Vegas which are quite hard to follow and would’ve benefited from less flimsy scripting and tighter editing.
The action scenes are hit and miss, some are exciting, others just downright silly; Bond being chased through the desert, driving a moon buggy with antennae revolving and robot arms flapping being pursued by security men in cars that are clearly not designed for that particular terain is nothing more than laughable. The car chase through Vegas, however, is pretty fun with a really cool stunt where Bond drives the Mustang on two wheels (ruined only when 007 outwits a Las Vegas Sheriff that feels like something out of The Dukes of Hazzard). A fight scene between Bond and diamond smuggler Peter Franks (Joe Robinson) is brutal and exciting and a climatic battle at Blofeld’s oil ring is pretty exciting and explosive. It is, however, disappointing that Bond gets incapacitated by Wint and Kidd on three separate occasions. This is just sloppy, convenient writing.
The action scenes are hit and miss, some are exciting, others just downright silly; Bond being chased through the desert, driving a moon buggy with antennae revolving and robot arms flapping being pursued by security men in cars that are clearly not designed for that particular terain is nothing more than laughable. The car chase through Vegas, however, is pretty fun with a really cool stunt where Bond drives the Mustang on two wheels (ruined only when 007 outwits a Las Vegas Sheriff that feels like something out of The Dukes of Hazzard). A fight scene between Bond and diamond smuggler Peter Franks (Joe Robinson) is brutal and exciting and a climatic battle at Blofeld’s oil ring is pretty exciting and explosive. It is, however, disappointing that Bond gets incapacitated by Wint and Kidd on three separate occasions. This is just sloppy, convenient writing.
This film has probably the worst acting of any of the Bond films
Sean Connery himself seems bored with the film, and mostly sleepwalks for the role.
After George Lazenby left the role, producers Cubby Broccoli and Harry Saltzman tried to find a replacement for the part and casted Psycho’s John Gavin, but United Artists wanted Sean Connery to come back. Connery didn't want to play James Bond again and demanded to be paid £1.25 million (£20 million in 2012 pounds) which was a lot of money in those days and it clearly shows that this was a paycheck movie as his enthusiasm for the part has practically evaporated.
Jill St. John just comes off as annoying as Tiffany Case, her character for the most part goes from being shrill and boistrous to being a bit of a ditz and not the usual classy Bond girl we've come to expect.
Norman Burton is extremely weak and forgettable as Felix Leiter, he 's so stereotypically American and so interchangeable that unless you read the Fleming books and watched the previous Bond films you'd probably wouldn't know which character Burton is playing.
Jimmy Dean is dumb as Willard Whyte - there's nothing to this guy, he was such an uninteresting character.
Bruce Glover and Putter Smith are more annoying than threatening as Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd. They’re flamboyant, obnoxiously cheery, hold hands after killing people, make several lame jokes, finish each other’s sentences and posses and overwhelmingly camp demeanour.
Charles Gray is utterly hopeless as Blofeld, the mystery and the sinister presence that the character had in From Russia With Love, Thunderball and You Only Live Twice as well as the charisma that was added in On Her Majesties Secret Service is completely absent here. Gray’s cocksure arrogance and leis attribute are generally ill suited for the head of S.P.E.C.T.R.E. He doesn't come across as the least bit menacing and comes off as more of a comical buffoon who is impossible to be intimidated by.
Jill St. John just comes off as annoying as Tiffany Case, her character for the most part goes from being shrill and boistrous to being a bit of a ditz and not the usual classy Bond girl we've come to expect.
Norman Burton is extremely weak and forgettable as Felix Leiter, he 's so stereotypically American and so interchangeable that unless you read the Fleming books and watched the previous Bond films you'd probably wouldn't know which character Burton is playing.
Jimmy Dean is dumb as Willard Whyte - there's nothing to this guy, he was such an uninteresting character.
Bruce Glover and Putter Smith are more annoying than threatening as Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd. They’re flamboyant, obnoxiously cheery, hold hands after killing people, make several lame jokes, finish each other’s sentences and posses and overwhelmingly camp demeanour.
Charles Gray is utterly hopeless as Blofeld, the mystery and the sinister presence that the character had in From Russia With Love, Thunderball and You Only Live Twice as well as the charisma that was added in On Her Majesties Secret Service is completely absent here. Gray’s cocksure arrogance and leis attribute are generally ill suited for the head of S.P.E.C.T.R.E. He doesn't come across as the least bit menacing and comes off as more of a comical buffoon who is impossible to be intimidated by.
Lana Wood and Joseph Furst
Diamonds Are Forever is plodding, uninteresting and too silly to enjoy, 1/5.
The Anonymous Critic
Diamonds Are Forever is plodding, uninteresting and too silly to enjoy, 1/5.
The Anonymous Critic
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